


Nothing can stay a secret forever

by Haechannieislife



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-11 16:54:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7900525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haechannieislife/pseuds/Haechannieislife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mingyu tried to forget, he really did. It seemed to be working. Seventeen were doing well, and the team was stronger than ever. He had some amazing brothers, and they kept no secrets. Almost. He didn't see the point in bringing up old, buried parts of his past, they'd only cause the others pain anyway. So he stayed silent. That is, until everything was uncovered and he could no longer keep his past quiet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The reveal

It was a fairly normal day when it happened. We'd had a radio show, followed by a performance and then a fan sign. Everything was going well. We were in the waiting room of a music show when they news broke. A stylist was reapplying powder to my face as I checked my phone, a fairly routine activity. I was on naver when it broke into the Breaking News category. Someone had found the videos and leaked them, but it was the way it was labelled that really revolted me, they made it sound consensual, like it was a decision I made. "Seventeen member Kim Mingyu porn videos leaked." That makes it sound like I did a sex tape or something, when it was nothing like that. I feel myself start to shake in horror as videos and screenshots load in the article. I was twelve years old, even if there was consent, there couldn't of been consent. I never consented. You can see my tears in the very first screenshot, what part of this makes it look like I said yes? Was it the gag and the restraints? The look of sheer terror on my face?

I feel myself beginning to hyperventilate, the blood rushing to my head making me feel dizzy, until I am gasping for air. Junhui is by my side in an instant, rubbing circles on my back and trying to get me to breathe. Seungcheol is on my other side, whispering soothing words whilst trying to work out what set me off. When I finally start to breathe again, I slump against Seuncheol, trying to get a bit of comfort before they find out everything. He holds me against his chest firmly, still whispering reassurances. The others have all gathered close, trying to work out what the hell just happened, as are the members of staff near by. I just cling to Seungcheol, refusing to meet anyone's eye. Jihoon steps forward and gently but firmly removes the phone from my grasp. His face drains of colour instantaneously, looking at me in horror. "Oh Mingyu..." he gasps, sounding heartbroken. Wonwoo takes the phone off of him, before nearly dropping it in shock. The chain continues, each member looking horrified at what was written before it eventually reaches Seungcheol and then our managers. "Mingyu, how old were you here?" Jisoo asks, sounding like he doesn't really want to know the answer. "Twelve," I whisper, sounding more broken than I have in a long time. Seungcheol instinctively pulls me even closer, trying to protect me from crimes that have already been committed. "What do we do now?" Minghao asks, sounding slightly lost. 

"We'll go home, get some rest, and I'll talk to management later," one of our managers said. "I'm sorry," I tell him, looking up to meet his eyes. "Why are you apologising? This is in no way your fault. You are not, and will not be, in any trouble. Okay Mingyu?" I nod in response, before taking his outstretched hand to help me up. As soon as I am standing, Seungcheol has his arm around me again, this time with Seokmin on the other side, my hand in his warm grip. The rest of the group all cluster round me like bodyguards, and I appreciate the sentiment. On our way to our van, we pass a couple of older idol groups. I keep my head ducked down low, expecting judgement, but all I seem to relieve is sympathy. Further down the hallway we pass Sistar, who upon seeing me begin to well up. We bow respectfully, and as we pass they look at me with pity, but also with respect. When we finally reach our van, Seungcheol refuses to let me go even for a second, which meant that getting into the can required some complicated manhandling. I find myself drifting off to sleep pretty quickly, exhausted from the past twenty minutes. Seungcheol strokes my hair rhythmically to try and soothe me, before saying "It's okay Mingyu, just sleep, it'll all be okay." 


	2. Unravelling

Still sleepy, he allowed Jisoo to lead him out of the van and into their dorm, before being gently steered into the living room. By this point he feels far more aware of his surroundings, so before he's pushed down on to one of the sofas, he makes a beeline for the lone armchair. Curling up in it defensively, he sees him teammates looks of sadness and understanding. Usually he's more than happy for physical contact and closeness, but he isn't stupid. He knows that there will be a lengthy discussion subsequently, and sometimes Mingyu needs space to feel secure. He doesn't particularly want to have another panic attack, so maintaining some space probably isn't a bad idea.

I stare at my knees with my arms wrapped around my body. It's my go to comfort pose. I know the unwanted conversation is imminent, but I sure as hell ain't starting it. The rest of the group are still shuffling around trying to get comfortable. Seungcheol clears his throat, and I raise my eyes to meet his. "Mingyu, if at any point you want to stop this conversation, you just say, but I think discussing it will help us understand, plus you shouldn't feel like you can't say anything. You did nothing wrong. I don't know the full story, I barely know any, but that is something I am certain about. We are not going to be angry or disappointed, no matter what you tell us. Okay?" I nod my assent before starting, "It started when I was ten years old. He'd always been kind to me, noticing me. I'm in the middle of five children , so it wasn't often someone paid any real attention to me. The first time he touched me, I was helping him in his garage. It was a light touch, innocent if not for where it was. He convinced me that he was just playing, and I didn't want to make him angry, so I went along with it even if it made me feel all wrong inside. I wasn't stupid, I knew that it wasn't something children did, but it seemed like a one off, so I kept quiet. He was even kinder after that, paid me even more attention. He made me feel like a grown up, like I was worth something. I said nothing, forgetting about it almost, so I was surprised when it happened a second time. I didn't like it at all, but it didn't hurt, so I kept it to myself. It wasn't like there were any marks, so who would believe me anyway?"

I glance up to see most of the group already crying. If they get upset now, they're really not going to like what else I have to say. I take a deep breath before continuing. "It started to get more forceful, more sexual. The first time he had sex with me..." "Rape," Jihoon interjected forcefully. "It wasn't sex it was rape." I nod in halfhearted agreement before proceeding, "the first time he raped me was two days after my eleventh birthday. He said it wouldn't hurt. He lied to me. It was one of the worst pains I've ever experienced. It burned for days, not to mention the bleeding it caused. I was in so much pain, but all he kept saying was "good boy." He kept on calling me a good boy. If I was such a good boy then why was he punishing me like this? No reward causes this much suffering. It was from this moment on that I began to despise him. I loathed him so much. He would rape me whenever the opportunity arose. He'd tell my parents that he needed my help in the garage, and why wouldn't my mother trust her oldest brother in law? He hurt me again and again, treating my like a sexual partner he could try out all his fetishes on. I was around twelve when he started inviting his friends round to join in. That's where the pornography came from. They would record it for a site that revolved around child porn. His little paedophile circle would come around every week to abuse me. They were more adventurous than me; they weren't afraid to use force, to try out whips and various other torture devices. That lasted for two years. Two whole years of abuse. Sometimes they'd bring other children with them, and hurt us together, brought the viewer count up, they said. Some of these sickos even paid a part in sex trafficking and child slavery, threatening me with it if I wasn't behaving. I lost my appeal when I hit a growth spurt a couple of months before I turned fifteen. I wasn't small and delicate enough any more, no longer looked so much like a child."

The tension in the room is apparent.

"You're probably wondering how it all got found out. The child porn ring got busted. There was a leak in their organisation working for the police, and my uncle got arrested. They found his humongous porn stash along with all of his filming equipment. Not to mention the props. My Aunt and cousins came round, completely distraught. My parents were shocked as well. They still had no idea that he'd hurt me. My Aunt was sobbing in my mothers arms, saying that she wished it wasn't true, but the look in his eyes when he was arrested, it was of guilt. My cousins were older, aged eighteen, nineteen and twenty two, and they were also in bits, as you can imagine. I remember the eldest one saying that they were so sure of his guilt, as the man that was arrested didn't look like their father. He was their father, but he had lost his "softness," he looked like somebody who knew that he was going to be locked away for a very long time. I remember just staying silent, hoping that nobody would ever find out that I was a part of it. At the time I didn't feel like a victim, I just felt worthless. A couple of hours into their stay, we received a visit from two of the people in charge of my uncle's case. My Dad let them in, automatically directing them to my Aunt and cousins. They were all surprised when the two instead chose to sit near me. The kind looking lady who introduced herself as being from child protection sat down next to me, whereas the detective inspector sat on a nearby chair. "Mingyu right?" The women asked. I just nodded in reply. "Mingyu, I need you to be very brave for me now. Would you like your family to leave in order to make things easier, just Mum or Dad stay with us?" she asked kindly, as she knew that I knew why they were here. "What's going on, why are you talking to him?" My older brother asked, sounding incredibly confused. "It's ok, they can stay." I said quickly, not meeting anyone's eye. "Are you sure?" the male officer asked. "Yeah, it will only have to be repeated anyway." "Okay Mingyu, I know this going to be difficult, but I'm going to show you a series of photos, and I would like you to see if you can identify yourself in them, will you be able to do that?" After I nodded my reply, she proceeded to lay the photos on the coffee table in front of us.

I lent over to look at them, and my heart started beating incredibly fast. I felt incredibly nauseous, but I forced myself to look properly. They were screenshots of some of the various videos that had been taken of me, in incredibly compromising positions, but everyone's private bits had been blurred out. "Honey, is the boy in these pictures you?" she asked gently. I nodded before bursting into tears. Her partner began to remove the photos as she comforted me, and I could see some of the members of my family begin to understand what this whole interview was about. Before he could place them in his bag, my older sister grabbed the photographs from him, before dropping them as if she'd been burnt. "Oh Mingyu, oh my god, Mingyu..." she tailed off, sounding heartbroken. The rest of my family immediately looked to see what she was talking about, getting at least a glimpse before the policeman managed to collect them all. Almost all of them, that is. My Aunt was clutching onto a particular one, sobbing hysterically as my cousins sat in complete shock around her. She let it fall from her hands, and as it fluttered to the ground, I got a clear view of which photo it was. it was from one of the first times they recorded. I was twelve years old at the time, and I really look it. The other focal point is my uncle, clearly in shot, raping me from behind, whilst his friends were groping and whipping me. I looked over to see my Mum clutching my eldest cousin's hand like a lifeline, shaking uncontrollably. She looked up to meet my eye, before muttering, "my baby, that monster, he hurt my baby." I turned back to focus on the kind women still holding my hand. She asked if I was ok to continue with the interview, to which I nodded my consent. She asked me general questions like how old I was when it started, where I was etc. Things like when was the first time it was penetrative, when was the first time he recorded me, invited other people etc. I was questioned on various details about the trafficking and pornography circle, as well as having to explain in great detail the various sex acts he made me perform. By the end I was completely drained, and was barely listening to the arrangements being made for me to have a physical exam the next morning. Before they left the (also very kind) man started asking me about my mental health. Things like "How do you feel?" Worthless. "Have you ever purposely harmed yourself?" Yes. "Have you ever contemplated suicide?" Yes. Each answer causing my family more and more pain. They left eventually, promising to return tomorrow so that I could give a more official statement. I was left sitting incredibly still whilst my family just looked at me, trying to comprehend the things they had just heard.

My older brother sat down next to me, before asking me why I hadn't told him. I answered truthfully, saying that I didn't think anyone would believe me, there was no one around for me to tell anyway, and that he said that he would sell me as a sex slave if I misbehaved. My Dad started to cry at the last one, full on sobbing. I had never seen my Dad cry before, so I didn't know how to react. My Mum was comforting him and I felt really guilty so I apologised. His head snapped up off of my Mum's shoulder, before he practically lunged across the carpet to be kneeling in front of me. He took my hands in his, tears still rolling down his cheeks, before saying "Mingyu, son, you have nothing to apologise for. That monster abused you and I didn't stop it. You didn't even think you could talk to me. Look at me my baby, I love you so, so much and I failed you. None of that is ever something you should say sorry for. Is that why you've been so quiet recently? Because you were hurting so badly? My poor boy." He sat up on the sofa, pulling me onto his lap as he went, despite the fact I was probably too big to be on anybody's lap. My older brother, despite the fact he had never been too big on contact, automatically reached for me hand, holding it tightly in his. My mother took my Dad's place in front of me, and she lent forward to tenderly kiss my forehead. "My gorgeous boy," I heard her murmur, almost to herself. "Have you been harming yourself baby?" she asked me gently, holding my other hand tenderly. I nodded, before starting to cry again. "It's okay sweetheart, we'll sort it out, you're not in any trouble," she told me, brushing my fringe out of my eyes gently. I lent back against my Dad's chest, his arms holding me securely. My sister also approached the group, sitting down on my other side before kissing me on the temple tenderly. She began rubbing circles into my arms soothingly, the gesture something I'd always found comforting, and in the warmth of my family, I found myself drifting off. I must have dozed, because I woke up slightly when I felt myself being lifted into the air. I struggled temporarily, the movement frightening me, before the person holding me, my eldest cousin, reassured me. "Hey it's okay Mingyu, it's just Hyung, it's okay." The soft tone and the fact that it was him soothed me, and I found myself nuzzling into his chest, breathing in his scent before resuming my light doze. I barely felt the jolting movements of the stairs, but I felt the softness of my bed. Hands then started to undress me, and I found myself panicking. The hands stopped immediately, and I opened my eyes to see my cousin and older brother looking at me guiltily. They had just been trying to help, seeing as I was too exhausted to even move. "Sorry, I just panicked," I mumbled tiredly. "It's alright, you didn't do anything wrong, we should have asked you, I'm the one who should be sorry," my cousin told me gently. "Can I?" my brother asked, referring to my shirt. I nodded before closing my eyes again as they undressed me and put me into comfortable sleep wear. They made a move to leave, but I grabbed my brother's hand and asked him to stay, telling him that i didn't sleep well alone. He nodded sadly before climbing in next to me, pulling me close to him, my hand automatically reaching for his, before I fell asleep.

The next few months were a blur of hospital visits and psychiatrists and court dates. He was given life in prison, with no chance of parole till 2082. That was the second time I saw my father cry, this time of relief. I managed to move on, and just after my sixteenth birthday I was scouted by Pledis.

I look up to see a multitude of grief being out pored. Most of the group is crying, with Jisoo looking like he's about to choke on his tears very soon. Hansol looks so lost, poor thing, and like he's questioning everything he knows about the world and its inhabitants. Wonwoo is seething with anger, but his fiery gaze softens when it meets mine, a soft smile masking the fury I know that he is feeling. Seokmin looks all of two minutes away from a meltdown, his fists clenched. Jun brakes the silence however, by standing up and coming to stand in front of me. He is smiling gently despite the tear tracks evident on his cheeks. He holds his arms out, and I love him so much in that moment for giving me the choice, for giving me a chance to say no. I all but throw myself at him, and at that point he cracks, sobbing hysterically into my shoulder, hands gripping me strongly, but still tenderly, like I'm something precious. Once he has let it all out, he leans back and said, "I love you and you are so brave Kim Mingyu. I am so proud of you. We all are. It must have been incredibly difficult for you to share that with us, thank you. I will always be here for you." This time it was my turn to cry on the other's shoulder, and he holds me until my tears dry out, before leading me to the sofa where a damp group hug takes place. Later on I find myself with my head in Seungkwan's lap with a hand being held by both Wonwoo and Jeonghan, whilst the others organise dinner and talk to the company. I let the fingers running through my hair soothe me to sleep, feeling incredibly safe and secure. 


	3. Chapter 3

I groggily open my eyes to see Jeonghan hovering above me, stroking my cheek as a gentle wake up call. My head has been transferred from Seungkwan's legs to a pillow, and I find myself turning away from Jeonghan to nuzzle back into the soft surface. Jeonghan tries to rouse me a couple more times, before giving up. I let myself drift off again, but in what feels like no time at all I am being dragged off of the sofa by an amused Wonwoo. Unfortunately after several years of friendship, Wonwoo is immune to my whining and puppy dog eyes, so before I get the chance to run away I am already seated at the dining table with the rest of the group. We begin the meal and everything is as it usually is, lots of chatter and warmth. However my short nap was not sufficient in ridding me of my exhaustion, and I feel it begin to set in almost immediately. It's quite difficult to eat Ramyun whilst trying to stop your eyes from closing. Apparently my eyes must of closed at some point, because I find myself being shaken awake. I lift my head up to see everyone laughing warmly at me, but my tiredness prevents me from understanding why they're laughing. It is clarified a few moments later when Soonyoung re-enters the room holding a damp cloth. He proceeds to kneel next to my chair and wipe the side of my face. At that point I realise I actually managed to fall asleep in my food. I yawn sleepily, leaning my head on Wonwoo's shoulder and close my eyes yet again, but I am refused sleep by a nagging Jisoo telling me to eat my food. I mumble a response before taking another nap. I am briefly stirred by somebody lifting me, but I don't feel the need to open my eyes. In my tired state, I find myself automatically cuddling closer and gripping onto their shirt like a child. I am placed down gently onto my bed, before someone changes my clothes for me. I should probably try and make it easier for them, but I don't have the energy to move right now. That same person tucks me into bed before smoothing my hair out of my eyes gently. They whisper a good night and that's how I know it was Seokmin. I fall asleep again almost instantly, completely worn out by the day I had.

_His hands are on me, touching me, claiming my body as his own. It feels horrible, all I want is for it to stop. It makes me feel cheap and dirty, the way he talks to me does too. He tells me I'm his whore, tries to make me believe that I want this, need this, when I know that to be false. Whatever he does hurts me. If it's not a physical pain, then I'm distraught emotionally. He breaks me down every time he does this, every touch eliciting fear. He brings people to watch, to film, to use me for their pleasure. It makes me feel completely worthless. I am torn away from my thoughts as the crack of a whip bares down on to my naked back, wringing screams of pain from me. The hits seem to never end, and the jeers from the crowd only grow louder as my tears begin to fall. I feel rough fingers entering me, and I begin to scream with fear, despite the fact that this has almost become routine. Someone enters me quickly, and my sobs increase in volume as the burning sensation spreads around my lower half. It hurts so badly, and these people are enjoying the fact that I am miserable. One of them grabs my chin to hold me still, before telling me "this is all you'll ever be good for doll, your only purpose is to serve us, you had better get used to that bitch," before forcing himself into my mouth, choking off any response I may have given. I give in to the motions of pleasuring both men, letting my mind go blank until all that is left is a shell, just a pretty little doll for them to use._

_I let my mind drift before I am wrenched from it by a horrific burning sensation on my chest. They've got out the wax. I scream and scream in anguish, the pain almost unbearable. I am gettin_ _g light headed from it, and I scream around the object inside of me. They laugh and croon and fondle as I sob hysterically, hoping for the pain to end._

_"_ MINGYU _." Why are they yelling my name, they never say my real name._

 _"_ Mingyu wake up now! _"_

_What is happening? Did I pass out from the pain? They wouldn't care, they'd just keep on going, if anything it would make me more pliant._

_"_ Mingyu!" I wake up with a jolt, a broken off scream dying on my lips. My chest is heaving like I ran a marathon, and I realise I am sobbing heavily. My eyes adjust to the dark room, and I see the entire group gathered round, each member wearing matching looks of concern. I just lie there, crying silently until Soonyoung and Junhui climb in to bed on either side of me, despite the tight fit. Junhui holds me close to his chest as Soonyoung works diligently to clean the tear tracks from my cheeks. Once my face is clean and I have calmed down considerably, he starts to stroke my hair soothingly just as Junhui starts to hum in rhythm with his hand. My eyes grow heavier now that I feel safe, and I rest my head on Jun's chest before dropping back off. It isn't long before the next nightmare wakes me along with the two in my bed, and more tears need to be wiped. This occurs throughout the night, resulting in the three of us only being able to sleep an hour at a time before a dream interrupts. 


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone slept in late, which is why I was sitting alone on the couch channel surfing when I saw it. I was the top headline. The morning news had my face all over it. I felt the panic begin to set in, but I needed to hear what everyone was saying about me, so I kept watching. The announcers stayed professional and detached, as was expected, but then they started a discussion about the privacy of celebrities, going so far as to blame the tabloid that first printed the photos. I stayed that way for most of the morning, glued to the television, even when some of my members started emerging in the late morning. Jisoo looked like he was considering turning it off but seemed to decide against it, instead just ruffling my hair before going about his business. By around 2pm almost everyone had woken and I was still in the same place but with a few additions, namely a still sleepy Chan draped across my lap. Seungcheol and Jeonghan started dishing up a late lunch, which we all ate in front of the tv. 

It was at this time that some live talk show came on, starring several idols. It was hosted by Defcon and Hyungdon and it started innocently enough, but the atmosphere darkened when they got onto the topic of current affairs. You guessed it, they started discussing me. There were a couple of comedians there too, including Park Myungsoo, who made a couple of comments implying that this was a scandal and that I should have been more careful to stop this coming to light; even implying that it was selfish of me to keep this from my company and from Seventeen. I suddenly felt incredibly angry, and looking around, I wasn't the only one. "You know that's bullshit,right baby?" Jeonghan asked, to which I nodded. However our conversation was cut off by a sudden exclamation from the tv. It was Shinee's Onew; sweet, kind, always smiling Onew and he looked furious. He went into a long tirade at both Myungsoo and the audience, saying that this was victim blaming and was completely disgusting. Everyone else seemed to agree with him, as he received comments of agreements from both his band mates and the other guests. Exo's Suho was also quick to comment, saying that if anyone could look at this and in any way see it as my fault, then they should take a long hard look at themselves.


End file.
